First Day of School Traditions

It’s the First Day of School. I’m not gonna lie. I’m really happy about it. Not the “getting rid of the kids” part - I like them, and I don’t see them enough as it is, now that they are so busy with sports and band and jobs and FortNite :-) But I’m looking forward to the routine. The waking up at the same time every day, going to same place, knowing what to expect every day part of school is what I’m most excited about. Summer is an ever-changing, never-the-same game that is too much for my fragile brain to keep up with. Even with a calendar on my phone and printed out and taped to the fridge, I’m still dazed and confused trying to keep it all straight. I need some consistency.

This pic is 6 years old.
They were so little!

But the start of another school year does have me getting all nostalgic. My boys are getting so old! Two in high school and the little one in middle school! The time has gone so fast! That saying that “the days are long, but the years are short” is so true. It feels like just yesterday that I thought I would never survive Aaron and Luke being toddlers at the same time. I remember telling Drew that it was going to be them or me. Someone wasn’t going to make it :-) They are 16 and 15. We all survived :-)

Do y’all have any First Day of School traditions? We have three - one I don’t mind, one I would take back if I could, and one that started out of the blue.

The one tradition I don’t mind - but the boys could do without is the obligatory first day pictures. You know the ones where you pose at the front door, usually with a sign that says what grade you are in, wearing the new backpack? My boys grumble and groan, but they know the drill. The only fun part for them is posing with me so they can see how much taller they are than the year before. The older two are much taller than I am. The little one is catching me. When they pose with Drew, they all wait until right before I snap the pic and then hop up on their tiptoes (Drew too!) to try to be the tallest in the photo. Men!

The tradition I would take back if I could is First Day of School fresh Dunkin Donuts for breakfast. This idea seemed awesome when they were in preschool. Preschool started at 9am. No one minded running to Dunkin at 8:00am to get donuts. But once they started getting on the middle school bus at 6:40 (AM!!!!!!), I really wanted out of this tradition. Of course, it was too late by then. Please learn from my mistakes! Choose your traditions carefully! Middle and high school start really, really, really early! Beware those "before school" traditions. Can I recommend you google some AFTER school ideas?

The tradition that started out of the blue happened the day that our youngest, Nathan, started full day kindergarten. I was so sure that I would be doing a happy dance when all three boys got on that bus together and drove off, leaving me to myself and my own devices for the first time in 10 years. Drew and I talked about it all summer. He was super supportive of me finally getting some time to myself. I had a million different ideas of how I would fill my time and couldn't wait to get started. Then the big day came. We did the pictures. We did the donuts. We walked to the bus stop and even took one of those “sad kids, happy mom” pictures. Then all three boys got on the bus together to go to elementary school. I watched that bus pull away and just stood there. I was frozen in a “now what?” place. In that moment, I watched as the reason I got out of bed every morning drove away. This is going to sound super dramatic, but be patient with me - I watched as my identity drove off on that bus.

All through college I was forming a plan to become a math teacher. That’s who I was going to be. Then I got married and got that job teaching math. So I was Drew’s Wife and A Math Teacher. Then the boys were born, and we decided I would stay home. After the sleep deprivation wore off, I looked up and realized that I wasn’t A Math Teacher any more. Instead, I had become A Stay At Home Mom. Ok. Let’s do this! So I did. Until they rode off in the school bus. Now what? Since I graduated from college, I had defined my identity by my job. I was what I did. Now I have no job - do I have no identity? It was a scary, sad, bizarre moment as that bus drove away.

The truth is that I had defined my identity in all the wrong ways. Who I am has nothing to do with what job I’m holding at the moment. Who I am has everything to do with who God says I am. I could go on about this for days, but I’ll sum it up and come back to it another day - God says I’m His child, blessed, chosen, adopted, favored, redeemed, forgiven, made on purpose and for a purpose - and none of these facts are based on any job. But I wasn’t holding on to who He says I am. I was holding to who I said I am. Talk about a shaky foundation! Again, lots to talk about another day. 

Anyway, as the bus drove off and I stood there completely lost and shaken, Drew realized that we had a problem and began First Day of School tradition #3 - Dawn and Drew breakfast date. He looked at me and said, “How about we go out for breakfast?” I was almost in tears at that point. I just nodded “yes”, and off we went. The day got easier from there. And the week got easier as I adjusted to my new normal. And I did a ton of soul searching that year to figure out who I was apart from my kids.

Today's FDOS
Breakfast Date
was Starbucks. 

This year, the little one will start 6th grade. Drew and I will go on our 7th First Day of School breakfast date. It’s not a necessity any more. Now it’s a wonderful chance to spend time together and pray for the boys.

If this is your first year to have all the kids go to school, I highly recommend having a plan for that first day. Call a friend, set up a coffee date, schedule a mani/pedi, something! If that first day of everyone in school is in your future, maybe my story will help you prepare for your day. If you are like me, experienced at this “all the kids are in school” thing, let’s reach out to another mom who just sent her baby off to kindergarten. Let’s ask her out for coffee or lunch. Let’s make sure those around us are ok. It can be one more First Day of School tradition.

Our Bus Stop Is Teaching Me Something Important

"Know how to live the time that is given you."
 - Dario Fo

Yesterday, as I stepped out my front door to head to the bus stop, I had an epiphany. The bus stop has become a major turning point in my day. The bus stop is where I give my children away, and where I wait to get them back at the end of the day.

Our bus stop - a major part of our day

Before the bus stop every morning, I'm all MOM. Breakfast maker, shoe finder, lunch packer, kiss giver, general of the troops.

After the bus stop in the afternoon, I'm all MOM. Homework supervisor, snack creator, play time referee, shower giver, and bedtime snuggler.

In between bus stop visits, my time is mine. I get to plan it, schedule it, do (or not do) the things on my list, and answer to me.

The epiphany yesterday was about the mental shift that happens after each visit to the bus stop.

In the morning, as I walk back, I find myself running through my lists and planning my day. Since I won't be hearing "Mommy" for eight hours, I can find time to finish a cup of coffee, actually think and accomplish things. It's a wonderful feeling! I'm a Stay At Home Mom, and this is the first year that all my boys are in full day school. It's certainly taking me some time to get used to this new pattern, but I'm soaking up every minute of autonomy. 

In the afternoon, as I head to the bus stop to pick up my boys, my mind needs to shift again. I need to turn off my mental lists and planning for projects and prepare myself to return to Mommy mode. I need to put myself and my tasks aside for a little while and focus on my boys. They need me to be fully present with them.

Give me just a minute here to get on my soapbox about something I'm learning as a mom -

I am at my best as a mom when I am fully tuned in to my boys. When I am trying to juggle other tasks and parent them, I end up not doing anything well. I am learning to put down my phone and my laptop and be focused on them - hearing stories from their day, helping with their homework, playing Legos, holding hands, looking them in the eye when they talk, stopping to be fully present for them.

I know that life gets in the way. I know that there are sports and work and other obligations that make stopping very difficult. We are busy. But as often as possible, I am trying to give my family my undivided attention from bus stop to bed time. I even try not to answer the phone during those times! I need to make sure that what I'm giving them on either side of the bus stop is the very best that I have.

So the bus stop is the hinge on the door in my brain. I need to use this this two minute walk to transition my  mind from me and my to do list to them and their needs. I'm thankful for this walk. I'm thankful for the opportunity to get my brain in gear. I'm thankful for the time I had alone today. I'm thankful for the time I had to accomplish things, or not, as I saw fit. But I'm very thankful that my kids will be home soon.

Whether it's a bus stop, car line, or a walk to the local school, there is that moment between our own time and MOM time. I'm convinced that this moment can make a big difference in our day. The way that we approach that moment, the attitude with which we greet our children, changes the rest of our evening. So I try to use that moment to prepare my heart, my mind, and my attitude. I try to be grateful for the moments I've had today, and look forward to the moments yet to come as a family.

What works for you? When do you find time to accomplish the things on your list? How do you handle the homework/dinner time/bed time thing? How do you recharge during any alone time?

P.S. If you need a nudge to get on the floor and play with your kids, Susan at This Happy Mom is doing a great job reminding me to play. And if you need ideas for Mom time, Paula at Simply Sandwich has a wonderful tool for making time for Mom.



Linking up with Coffee Friday  and Calm My Crazy.