Friday, September 14, 2012

No Respect for Mom!



"Train children in the way they should go; when they grow old, they won’t depart from it."
 - Proverbs 22:6

We've been dealing with an interesting issue here in our house - lack of respect for my hard work and the tendency to treat me like a personal servant.  My children seem to think that all I do every day is watch TV and drink coffee while they are at school. I wish!

I've blogged about other things children need to know - they are loved, and they are not the boss. This is just one more topic in my unofficial series about what children need to know. The whole "series" is based on our own process of raising our kids - real things we are facing/have faced that we figure out as we go.

I'm hopeful that others can learn from our process and save themselves some grief.

Children need to have respect and gratitude for their mothers.

Teaching our children respect and gratitude is not a fun task. It involves a lot of work - typically on a mother's part.

But it's important!

Let's take a regularly occurring for-instance in our home.

One of my boys looks at me and says, "I'm thirsty."

Now if this was a guest in my house, I would happily get up and get them something to drink. And I could do that for my son. But what will that teach him? That he can treat people as his personal servants and be entitled to special treatment. Not a great lesson to take into adulthood.

Side note here - getting him his drink without another word is by far the easiest option, and I'm guilty of it more times than I'd like to admit. But it's not the best way to teach him how to be a productive human being with a respect for others.

My other choice when a child says, "I'm thirsty." is to respond, "That's nice."

When he looks at me funny and repeats himself, I give him "the look" - you know, the one that tells our kids they are stepping onto thin ice. Then my son realizes that he has overstepped. He sweetly changes his tune to, "Mommy, could you please get me a drink?" I respond sweetly and get him a drink.

What's my point here? What am I hoping to teach my son?

I want him to know how to treat people. That starts with how he treats me. If he doesn't have respect for me, he won't have respect for others.

We've all seen those children who think the world should revolve around them and their desires. They turn in to the adults we avoid. I don't want my children to have an attitude of entitlement. I want them to respect other people.

But it's a tough job! It's work to deal with his attitude every single time. I'm trusting that it will be worth it.

So the next time your kid looks at you and says, "I'm thirsty" or "Get me a drink", think of me. Think of the battle I'm fighting to teach my children respect and know that you are not alone. Take the time to demand respect from your child. You are worth it!



Linking up with The Coffee Shop.

Comments (8)

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Very true... I was just telling my husband last night that sometimes I feel like I have the most irrational bosses ever... they start giving me orders when I am still SLEEPING! sometimes I wake up to a little face and big eyes right in front of me and a voice saying: "Mom: Leche (milk), snack (her vitamin), agua (water)" now the orders have been reduced to even just saying "words" of things that are wanted... not even a "give me" in the beginning and forget about a "please" at the end! I am trying hard here to make sure they always remember to be more polite and to at least wait until mommy's up! -sigh- ... Thank you for the coffee mention! ;)
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1 reply · active 660 weeks ago
Keep on keeping on. It's a good thing you're doing teaching them to respect you. They will be so glad you did.
I struggle with the exact same thing. Ugh! I've been tempted lately to announce "I'm thirsty!" and see what they do. (they'd probably say "me too")

I think this is one where my husband can really help. He can gently remind the boys that this is NOT how we treat mom… and demonstrate clearly what is appropriate. My husband doesn't bark "I'm thirsty" so why should my kids?
1 reply · active 660 weeks ago
Absolutely true about our men setting the tone. Mine is good at that too. Showing them how a real man treats other people. We are lucky ladies to have such great guys.
so true my oldest is out of it lately. yesterday was a tough day he just lept on answering back until i put him on time out. I was like wow are you serious I dont want to use any other source to show him who is the boss but I think pretty soon I will. Today he has been really good.
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1 reply · active 660 weeks ago
It's definitley a daily battle to be won. Stay strong!! It's exhausting, but you are doing the right thing! And you are not alone.
excellent post babe. We are models for our kids, tit is our job to teach them to be responsible, respectful adults. You are right, the easy way out is to give in to them or turn your head when they treat you badly. WAY TO GO MOM for taking the time to guide them.
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1 reply · active 660 weeks ago
Thanks, Karen. I really appreciate the encouragement! This mom stuff is hard work.

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