Kids and Money

 “Too many people spend money they don't have..to buy things they don't want..to impress people that they don't like.”
― Will Rogers

Yesterday I guest posted at Toys in the Dryer. I wrote about kids, chores, and allowance.

Today’s post is a continuation of that post. Have you read that post yet? It's my first ever guest post! You really should go read it. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Oh good! You're back. 

We have kids. Our kids do chores. Our kids get allowance. Now what do we do with that money to help them learn how to handle money correctly?

I can tell you how we do it at our house. Our system has been in place for about a year now and is working pretty well. Getting the system down and working out the kinks was a hassle. I’m hoping that by sharing our ideas with you, we will be able to save you some hassle on your end.

Each week, our boys receive half their age in cash. For example, our 9 year old gets $4.50 a week for his allowance. That amount may sound high, but stay with me. There’s a method to the madness.

The deal behind the allowance is that we no longer buy the boys much besides clothes and food.  Our boys are now responsible for paying for life’s extras – gifts for birthday parties they attend, souvenirs from vacation, new Lego sets, and Halloween costumes. I also require gifts for each member of our family for birthdays and Christmas. 

When it’s allowance time (usually on a Sunday afternoon every three or four weeks), I grab a cup of coffee and meet with the boys one at a time. They each own a plastic coupon organizer that we use to help them budget. The boys have envelopes in their organizer labeled for the various things they are responsible for. I hand them their cash and then help them divvy it up among the envelopes.

The first envelope we fill is their giving envelope. Each boy puts 10% into an envelope to take to church on Sunday. They are learning how to give!

Then we work on the other envelopes. Right now, they are working on saving up for Christmas presents for the family, Halloween costumes, and a birthday gift for Son1 (he’ll be 11 in November). Any money above and beyond these categories can go into their spending envelope.

When it comes to spending, we give them latitude. We have final say on what they are allowed to buy, but if they want to spend all their money at the concession stand at a baseball game, we will let them. When they realize that they are broke and have nothing to show for it, they will spend better next time.

We’ve seen the three of them pool their money to get a big ticket item (usually a mega-cool Lego set). The negotiating that goes into that is good practice for them.

Allow me to highlight a side benefit to them having their own spending money. When we go shopping, I don't have to say no anymore when they ask for this toy or that game. I can say, "Sounds like a great idea! Is it on your list? Do you have enough spending money?" Then they have to say yes or no to the purchase - not me! I don't have to be the bad guy who always says no! And our shopping trips are much more pleasant.

We do have one major spending rule – no spontaneous shopping. Each purchase must be planned out. We have the boys write down what they want to buy and how much it costs. Then they have to wait at least three days. If they still want it, and if they have enough money, we will take them shopping to get that thing they want. I tell them that I don’t walk into Target without a list and a budget amount in mind, so they won’t either. Forcing them to plan has really saved them from some foolish choices and teaches them how to save towards a goal.

Each of our boys has a different money personality. We have a spender, a saver, and a giver. We work at fostering their strengths and training away the weaknesses (Hmmm – that sounds familiar. Lots of talk about strengths and weaknesses on this blog lately).

How do you handle allowance at your house? How are you teaching your kids about money? 



Linking up with Coffee Friday, and Calm My Crazy.

No Respect for Mom!

"Train children in the way they should go; when they grow old, they won’t depart from it."
 - Proverbs 22:6

We've been dealing with an interesting issue here in our house - lack of respect for my hard work and the tendency to treat me like a personal servant.  My children seem to think that all I do every day is watch TV and drink coffee while they are at school. I wish!

I've blogged about other things children need to know - they are loved, and they are not the boss. This is just one more topic in my unofficial series about what children need to know. The whole "series" is based on our own process of raising our kids - real things we are facing/have faced that we figure out as we go.

I'm hopeful that others can learn from our process and save themselves some grief.

Children need to have respect and gratitude for their mothers.

Teaching our children respect and gratitude is not a fun task. It involves a lot of work - typically on a mother's part.

But it's important!

Let's take a regularly occurring for-instance in our home.

One of my boys looks at me and says, "I'm thirsty."

Now if this was a guest in my house, I would happily get up and get them something to drink. And I could do that for my son. But what will that teach him? That he can treat people as his personal servants and be entitled to special treatment. Not a great lesson to take into adulthood.

Side note here - getting him his drink without another word is by far the easiest option, and I'm guilty of it more times than I'd like to admit. But it's not the best way to teach him how to be a productive human being with a respect for others.

My other choice when a child says, "I'm thirsty." is to respond, "That's nice."

When he looks at me funny and repeats himself, I give him "the look" - you know, the one that tells our kids they are stepping onto thin ice. Then my son realizes that he has overstepped. He sweetly changes his tune to, "Mommy, could you please get me a drink?" I respond sweetly and get him a drink.

What's my point here? What am I hoping to teach my son?

I want him to know how to treat people. That starts with how he treats me. If he doesn't have respect for me, he won't have respect for others.

We've all seen those children who think the world should revolve around them and their desires. They turn in to the adults we avoid. I don't want my children to have an attitude of entitlement. I want them to respect other people.

But it's a tough job! It's work to deal with his attitude every single time. I'm trusting that it will be worth it.

So the next time your kid looks at you and says, "I'm thirsty" or "Get me a drink", think of me. Think of the battle I'm fighting to teach my children respect and know that you are not alone. Take the time to demand respect from your child. You are worth it!



Linking up with The Coffee Shop.

Who's The Boss?

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."
 - Ephesians 6:1

I've blogged recently about making sure my kids know who they are. I even listed a few of the practical ways DH and I are teaching this concept to our guys.

But there is a flip side to this discussion that I feel like looking at today. Almost as important as my boys knowing who they are, is knowing who they are NOT. A full picture is important unless I want some really confused little humans.

Again, please let me stress that I am not a perfect mother. I'm learning as I go (mainly from my mistakes). I'm so thankful for forgiveness - from my children, my husband, and from God - and second chances. So please don't see these posts as a "how to" but more as a "learn from me and save yourself some heartache".

The first "who they are NOT" is - The Boss

My children need to know that they are not in charge! DH and I need to know that they are not in charge too :-)

Why make such a big deal out of this? Who cares if my little one runs the house, makes the decisions, or doesn't obey?

I firmly believe that if we don’t teach our children obedience and respect for authority, we are hurting them.

When I think about all the people and institutions I have had to obey, the list is long! Employers, teachers, the law and government . . . I could keep going. Obedience is a part of life whether we like it or not. And for our kiddos, who are in the thick of being told what to do everywhere they go, it's a crucial skill to have.

We've all seen it - the child in the grocery store who refuses to sit in the buggy shopping cart. He kicks and screams until his mother lets him down. Then he demands a pack of cookies and yells and screams until she gives in. I don't know about you, but I've been there. We do what we have to do to survive some days. But what if that giving in becomes a habit? Who does that child become?

He's the child in school who can't obey his teacher. He can't do what he's told on the bus or in gym class. He becomes the teenager who ignores curfew and speed limits. He becomes the adult who gets fired from his job for failing to follow company policy. And his parents? They are miserable the whole time as they get walked on, ignored, and pushed around.

Yes, that's a drastic view of the situation, but you get my point. Obedience is more than just a nice concept. It's actually a major skill we need to teach to our children for their own good in the world!

But how do we do that?

As anyone with a two year old has discovered, obedience does not come naturally! As parents, we must demand it consistently.

That's really easy to type and very hard to live out. I know.

But when we tell our children what to do, we have to follow through to make sure they do it. I know how hard that is at the end of a long day when we just want to sit with a good cup of coffee and rest. I know how tough it is to correct one more kid one more time when it's what we've done ALL day. But consistency is the key. If we stay with it, they will learn the lesson. And everyone (parents, children, and society) benefits from a child who learns obedience.

Other than consistency, what else do I have to offer? In our house, we tell our kids that learning obedience is their number one job. Nothing else they need to learn is more important. When we stress it to them, they aren't quite as shocked when we reinforce the skill over and over all day all week.

I have to be honest here. My boys have questioned this obedience thing. I've told them the same things I've told you about life skills, blah, blah, blah (I'm sure that's what they hear). And it all falls flat. Then I pull out my Bible. First I show them Romans 13:1

"Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, 

for there is not authority except that which God has established. 

The authorities that exist have been established by God."

I explain that this verse tells me to obey those in charge of me (employers, law, government, etc). Then I show them  Ephesians 6:1 

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

This is God's note to kids. When it's in black and white and coming straight from God's Word, it's pretty tough to argue.  We all have to learn how to obey.

 

Whew! That's a long post! So to sum up, our kids are not the boss. They need to know they aren't the boss. It's our job to teach them. And everyone involved benefits from a child who has learned the skill of obedience, especially the child. 

What do you think? How do you teach obedience to your kids? Do you think I'm making a big deal out of nothing? I love to hear from you!

Linking up with The Coffee Shop

Practical Ways We Teach Our Kids Who They Are

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful . . ."
 - Psalm 139:14

In my last post about parenting, I mentioned that DH and I want our boys to know who they are. If you missed it, you can catch up here. I promised you some of the practical ways we are trying to teach our boys who they are in God and who they are in our family.

My three boys - ages 10, 9, and 5

• DH and I are still learning, but we make sure to praise the boys - especially in front of others. Hearing us say good things about them really boosts their self-esteem and reinforces the idea that they matter. The world can be a cruel place. Our boys need to know that at home they are loved and appreciated for who they are. Our words are so powerful and have such an impact on their lives.


• We also try to have the whole family present at each child's event - we all go to S2's baseball games, and then we all go to S1's band concerts. When S3 plays basketball this winter, we will all watch every game. We are trying to get across the idea that they all matter equally. I know this concept isn't possible for every family or for every event. But when S2 gets up to bat, if the whole family is in the stands watching, he knows that what is important to him is important to us because we love him. Whether he strikes out or hits a home run, he knows that we have his back.


• We let the boys vote. Each week we hold a family meeting. We discuss the calendar for the coming week and the proposed menu plan (when I have one). The boys get to vote on the meals (they don't always get their way, but we do listen to what they have to say), and everyone gets input on the calendar. We're not a democracy in any way - we tell the boys that our home is a Benevolent Dictatorship :-) - but they do get to have a say. Having a vote reinforces the idea that they matter.


• We serve together. Whatever service project/ministry we are involved in, we all do it together. We tell the kids that without their help, we wouldn't be successful in the endeavor. This idea gives them such a sense of importance - in a good way. They get to serve others as a member of a team. They see the positive results of service and feel the camaraderie of teamwork. They are learning that they are a critical member of a team.


• We remind them of God's love for them and His plan for their lives. We tell them often that He made them just the way they are on purpose. They need to be the person He created them to be in order to do the tasks He has planned for them to do. 

We're not perfect parents by any stretch. And my boys are still young (5, 9, and 10), so I know we have a long way to go and much to learn. But so far, these things are working here.

Do Your Kids Know Who They Are?

"The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him."
 - Pablo Casals

I volunteered at Vacation Bible School yesterday and worked with a group of 4 year olds. In addition to needing a strong cup of coffee and a nap when I was done, the topic of children got stuck in my head. When there's a topic on my mind, it usually ends up here on my blog (some topics have to be edited so you will keep reading).

You already know that I'm a passionate person. When I sink my teeth into an issue, I don't let it go. Have you seen my posts on friendship? :-) And I'm not done with that category yet. Just letting some ideas simmer. But I digress . . . .

So one of the things I'm passionate about is for every child to know who they are and who they are not. I'm convinced that this knowledge will make a huge difference in their lives and in the lives of their parents. I know we all parent/have parented/will parent differently. But the ideas in my head seem to be pretty universal. I can't wait to hear what you think!

I figured that I would start with the idea of kids knowing who they are. If my kids are confident in who they are, they will be better prepared to stand up to all that this world will throw at them. Peer pressure should be less of an issue because they will already know their worth and not need to be like everyone else. I say "should" because my oldest is 10. I'm just now getting into the world of peer pressure and the temptation of needing to be like everyone else. Like every other mom, I'm learning as I go.

My boys watching new construction start in our backyard

So what do I want my kids to know about who they are?

• I want my boys to know that they are a very important part of our family. My guys are a member of Team P (what I call us when I'm being corny - which is most of the time). Without them, our team isn't complete. We need what they bring to the table - even though they all bring something different. Some of my boys are athletes, and one is an artist, but they are all equally critical to the make up of our family. They need to know this! When the world tells them that they don't rate (middle school, anyone?), I want them to know that they are very valuable here.
• I want my boys to know that they are important to God. He made them with all their talents, gifts, and personality on purpose. He has a purpose for them, and they matter greatly to Him.

Imagine a child who walks through life knowing who he is to God and who he is in his family. His confidence will be strong and healthy, and his approach to life will be to take on life’s challenges with out fear. I want this for my boys.

So how do DH and I attempt to pull this off? I had originally planned to include the things we do, but this post is getting really long. So I'll ask you. How do you teach your children who they are? When it comes to your children knowing who they are, what is important to you? I would love to hear from you.

I promise to give you some ideas of what we do next week.

Have a great weekend!!

I'm linking this post with my friend Paloma's Coffee Friday. Go visit her, and tell her I sent you.