Cash Is Saving My Sanity

“Live like no one else so later you can live like no one else.”
 - Dave Ramsey
 
Yesterday, I took the boys shopping for their Halloween costumes. We really had a good time. They had been saving their allowance knowing it was up to them to buy their costumes. They all had enough money for the costumes they wanted, and we came home victorious. They are going to be a Ninja, General Grievous (Star Wars), and Batman. It was a successful day.

I loved not having to pay for their costumes myself. When they are spending their hard-earned money, they spend it more carefully. They tend to make better choices at the store.

That works for DH and me too. We budget our money into envelopes each month just like our kids do.

On the first day of each month, I go to the bank and get the cash for all the expenses of the month. Utilities and gas for the cars are handled separately, but all other expenses (food, clothes, haircuts, etc) are handled with cash that is budgeted before the month starts.

I know I'm not the first person to talk about using cash. I know I'm not the first person to talk about using envelopes. But maybe our story will put a new spin on it for you.

I'm a spender. I love to shop. I like to buy things for me and things for others. Since DH has a nice job, it's not a big deal if I buy a few things here or there. But I realized that I was walking into Target for two things and walking out having spent over $100! What did I just do?

So DH and I had a long talk. I told him that I needed to be more disciplined with our money. We had goals we wanted to meet, and I knew my spending wasn't going to help us meet those goals.

We went to a strictly debit card system. That helped some. But when the account ran low, I just transferred in more. I wasn't completely out of control, but I didn't take the budget seriously.

Since the debit card thing wasn't working, we decided to switch to cash. Only cash! On the first of the month, I take out the cash from the bank. I come straight home and put it into envelopes based on the needs of the month (every month is different). Every dollar goes into an envelope with a purpose. Then those envelopes determine how we spend our month (pun intended).

I take the envelopes with me when I go out. I pay with cash at the grocery store. Let me tell you, it's a real pain! I use the calculator on my phone and subtract as I go so I don't get up to the front without enough money. I use cash in Target too. Those may be some really cute shoes, but if the clothing envelope is empty, those cute shoes are going to stay at Target.

And it's working!! We are meeting our goals and controlling our spending! I'm so proud at the end of the month when I haven't gone over our budget. There isn't usually a dollar left, but knowing that we met our goals for the month (and I that helped) is so exciting.

If you are working toward a financial goal or just want to control your spending a little bit better, I highly recommend that you try to go all cash for a few months. The first few months are the hardest. Remembering to take your envelopes with you when you go out is tricky. And knowing how much to put in each envelope takes trial and error. But I promise you that it works!

Maybe you are reading this and think I'm crazy. That's ok. Maybe you think cash is too complicated and you're happy with your plastic. That's fine. But I challenge you to try it. Go all cash for three months. See if you spend less. I'd love to hear how it works for you!

What do you think? How do you pay for stuff at your house? Have you tried all cash? Did it work for you?

Kids and Money

 “Too many people spend money they don't have..to buy things they don't want..to impress people that they don't like.”
― Will Rogers

Yesterday I guest posted at Toys in the Dryer. I wrote about kids, chores, and allowance.

Today’s post is a continuation of that post. Have you read that post yet? It's my first ever guest post! You really should go read it. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Oh good! You're back. 

We have kids. Our kids do chores. Our kids get allowance. Now what do we do with that money to help them learn how to handle money correctly?

I can tell you how we do it at our house. Our system has been in place for about a year now and is working pretty well. Getting the system down and working out the kinks was a hassle. I’m hoping that by sharing our ideas with you, we will be able to save you some hassle on your end.

Each week, our boys receive half their age in cash. For example, our 9 year old gets $4.50 a week for his allowance. That amount may sound high, but stay with me. There’s a method to the madness.

The deal behind the allowance is that we no longer buy the boys much besides clothes and food.  Our boys are now responsible for paying for life’s extras – gifts for birthday parties they attend, souvenirs from vacation, new Lego sets, and Halloween costumes. I also require gifts for each member of our family for birthdays and Christmas. 

When it’s allowance time (usually on a Sunday afternoon every three or four weeks), I grab a cup of coffee and meet with the boys one at a time. They each own a plastic coupon organizer that we use to help them budget. The boys have envelopes in their organizer labeled for the various things they are responsible for. I hand them their cash and then help them divvy it up among the envelopes.

The first envelope we fill is their giving envelope. Each boy puts 10% into an envelope to take to church on Sunday. They are learning how to give!

Then we work on the other envelopes. Right now, they are working on saving up for Christmas presents for the family, Halloween costumes, and a birthday gift for Son1 (he’ll be 11 in November). Any money above and beyond these categories can go into their spending envelope.

When it comes to spending, we give them latitude. We have final say on what they are allowed to buy, but if they want to spend all their money at the concession stand at a baseball game, we will let them. When they realize that they are broke and have nothing to show for it, they will spend better next time.

We’ve seen the three of them pool their money to get a big ticket item (usually a mega-cool Lego set). The negotiating that goes into that is good practice for them.

Allow me to highlight a side benefit to them having their own spending money. When we go shopping, I don't have to say no anymore when they ask for this toy or that game. I can say, "Sounds like a great idea! Is it on your list? Do you have enough spending money?" Then they have to say yes or no to the purchase - not me! I don't have to be the bad guy who always says no! And our shopping trips are much more pleasant.

We do have one major spending rule – no spontaneous shopping. Each purchase must be planned out. We have the boys write down what they want to buy and how much it costs. Then they have to wait at least three days. If they still want it, and if they have enough money, we will take them shopping to get that thing they want. I tell them that I don’t walk into Target without a list and a budget amount in mind, so they won’t either. Forcing them to plan has really saved them from some foolish choices and teaches them how to save towards a goal.

Each of our boys has a different money personality. We have a spender, a saver, and a giver. We work at fostering their strengths and training away the weaknesses (Hmmm – that sounds familiar. Lots of talk about strengths and weaknesses on this blog lately).

How do you handle allowance at your house? How are you teaching your kids about money? 



Linking up with Coffee Friday, and Calm My Crazy.

Want To Hear About A Strange Tradition In Our House?

Family traditions counter alienation and confusion. They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, reliable and safe in a confusing world.
 - Susan Lieberman

We are all Philadelphia Eagles football fans in our house. DH and I really enjoy watching football together and as our boys have grown, we have passed our love of Eagles football on to them. Now, when football season starts each fall, we celebrate as a family. I have instituted what we like to call Eagle Day. It occurs the day of the first home Eagles game of each season.

Since games are on Sunday, our celebration doesn't start until we get home from church. The first thing we do when we get home is change into whatever Eagle gear we happen to have - each of us owns quite a collection of Eagles t-shirts, jerseys, hats, etc. Then DH  starts making lunch while the boys and I get the living room ready for TV watching and lunch eating.  Our lunch consists of traditional Philly foods - cheese steaks, Herrs potato chips, and Tasty Kakes. If you have to ask what any of those things are, you really need to visit Philly soon! You are missing out.

We sit down to eat our lunch and watch the game together. As the boys grow, our football watching experience has changed some.

When they were babies, we would sit on the floor and entertain them with baby toys during the game. And we had to be careful not to cheer to loudly - I've made each of them cry at least once when I yelled at the TV (yes, I really get into my football).

Now that they are a little bit older, we can explain the game and enjoy their responses to the plays. They know some of the major players and are starting to understand the basic fundamentals of the game.

It's so funny to hear us all cheer together when they score or groan in unison when our quarterback throws an interception.

What would a celebration be without presents?

So now, we've eaten a Philly lunch and cheered on our Eagles through the first half of the game.

At half time, we do presents!

Yes, Eagle Day involves gifts. I know, right! So fun!!

Everyone gets an Eagles themed gift - a lunchbox, a new shirt, trading cards, etc. The gifts are always a hit.

Then we go back to the game. The boys eventually tire of the drama that comes with being an Eagles fan - it's never smooth sailing - and wander outside to play. DH and I watch the rest of the game in relative peace and quiet.

What's the point of Eagle Day? An excuse to give presents? A way to justify watching football? A chance to eat lunch in front of the TV?

For us, Eagle Day is a way to make a memory. Traditions are part of what makes life special. It's part of bonding a family together and making childhood a wonderful time. It's also something that makes our family unique.

"We celebrate Eagle Day. It's just how we roll at my house. What do you celebrate at your house?"

So what do you celebrate? Do you have a special day in your house? Something that's unique to you and yours? If you do, I would love to hear about it!

If you don't have any unique days yet, consider starting one. What special thing does your whole family love? How can you make a tradition out of that thing?

If we didn't have Eagle Day, I think we would have to celebrate "Talk Like A Pirate Day" every year. Now that I think about it, maybe we should add that one to our list . . . . .

Who's The Boss?

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."
 - Ephesians 6:1

I've blogged recently about making sure my kids know who they are. I even listed a few of the practical ways DH and I are teaching this concept to our guys.

But there is a flip side to this discussion that I feel like looking at today. Almost as important as my boys knowing who they are, is knowing who they are NOT. A full picture is important unless I want some really confused little humans.

Again, please let me stress that I am not a perfect mother. I'm learning as I go (mainly from my mistakes). I'm so thankful for forgiveness - from my children, my husband, and from God - and second chances. So please don't see these posts as a "how to" but more as a "learn from me and save yourself some heartache".

The first "who they are NOT" is - The Boss

My children need to know that they are not in charge! DH and I need to know that they are not in charge too :-)

Why make such a big deal out of this? Who cares if my little one runs the house, makes the decisions, or doesn't obey?

I firmly believe that if we don’t teach our children obedience and respect for authority, we are hurting them.

When I think about all the people and institutions I have had to obey, the list is long! Employers, teachers, the law and government . . . I could keep going. Obedience is a part of life whether we like it or not. And for our kiddos, who are in the thick of being told what to do everywhere they go, it's a crucial skill to have.

We've all seen it - the child in the grocery store who refuses to sit in the buggy shopping cart. He kicks and screams until his mother lets him down. Then he demands a pack of cookies and yells and screams until she gives in. I don't know about you, but I've been there. We do what we have to do to survive some days. But what if that giving in becomes a habit? Who does that child become?

He's the child in school who can't obey his teacher. He can't do what he's told on the bus or in gym class. He becomes the teenager who ignores curfew and speed limits. He becomes the adult who gets fired from his job for failing to follow company policy. And his parents? They are miserable the whole time as they get walked on, ignored, and pushed around.

Yes, that's a drastic view of the situation, but you get my point. Obedience is more than just a nice concept. It's actually a major skill we need to teach to our children for their own good in the world!

But how do we do that?

As anyone with a two year old has discovered, obedience does not come naturally! As parents, we must demand it consistently.

That's really easy to type and very hard to live out. I know.

But when we tell our children what to do, we have to follow through to make sure they do it. I know how hard that is at the end of a long day when we just want to sit with a good cup of coffee and rest. I know how tough it is to correct one more kid one more time when it's what we've done ALL day. But consistency is the key. If we stay with it, they will learn the lesson. And everyone (parents, children, and society) benefits from a child who learns obedience.

Other than consistency, what else do I have to offer? In our house, we tell our kids that learning obedience is their number one job. Nothing else they need to learn is more important. When we stress it to them, they aren't quite as shocked when we reinforce the skill over and over all day all week.

I have to be honest here. My boys have questioned this obedience thing. I've told them the same things I've told you about life skills, blah, blah, blah (I'm sure that's what they hear). And it all falls flat. Then I pull out my Bible. First I show them Romans 13:1

"Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, 

for there is not authority except that which God has established. 

The authorities that exist have been established by God."

I explain that this verse tells me to obey those in charge of me (employers, law, government, etc). Then I show them  Ephesians 6:1 

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

This is God's note to kids. When it's in black and white and coming straight from God's Word, it's pretty tough to argue.  We all have to learn how to obey.

 

Whew! That's a long post! So to sum up, our kids are not the boss. They need to know they aren't the boss. It's our job to teach them. And everyone involved benefits from a child who has learned the skill of obedience, especially the child. 

What do you think? How do you teach obedience to your kids? Do you think I'm making a big deal out of nothing? I love to hear from you!

Linking up with The Coffee Shop

Would You Like to Meet My Husband (DH)?

"You're the string to my kite."
 - Me (borrowed from somewhere I can't remember or locate on Google)

Think of a kite. It floats through the sky going wherever the wind blows. Imagine that the kite is lovely and wants to share its pretty colors with the whole world. The kite really wants to make people smile.

But the kite has no string.

Without a string, the kite flies into storms and gets battered. With no guidance, the kite might get hung up in a tree. Without a string, the kite could dip too low and fly right into someone causing pain and turmoil. The kite might even crash.

Now put a string on the kite.
 
The kite still flies. In fact, it takes the string places it never would have gone on its own. But now the kite flies with a little bit more safety. The string can help keep the kite away from storms. The kite might not crash into people on the ground. The string might even help the kite fly higher!

The kite might still crash. It may still run into storms. But with a string, the kite is flying again sooner. It's off the ground faster than it would be if it were alone. The kite flies with a companion that offers safety, some guidance, and a tether to the real world.

DH is the string to my kite.



Linking up with Pour Your Heart Out,  Living Well Wednesdays, Weekly Wednesday Blog Hop, and Whatever Wednesdays, Calm My Crazy, and Serenity Now.

Practical Ways We Teach Our Kids Who They Are

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful . . ."
 - Psalm 139:14

In my last post about parenting, I mentioned that DH and I want our boys to know who they are. If you missed it, you can catch up here. I promised you some of the practical ways we are trying to teach our boys who they are in God and who they are in our family.

My three boys - ages 10, 9, and 5

• DH and I are still learning, but we make sure to praise the boys - especially in front of others. Hearing us say good things about them really boosts their self-esteem and reinforces the idea that they matter. The world can be a cruel place. Our boys need to know that at home they are loved and appreciated for who they are. Our words are so powerful and have such an impact on their lives.


• We also try to have the whole family present at each child's event - we all go to S2's baseball games, and then we all go to S1's band concerts. When S3 plays basketball this winter, we will all watch every game. We are trying to get across the idea that they all matter equally. I know this concept isn't possible for every family or for every event. But when S2 gets up to bat, if the whole family is in the stands watching, he knows that what is important to him is important to us because we love him. Whether he strikes out or hits a home run, he knows that we have his back.


• We let the boys vote. Each week we hold a family meeting. We discuss the calendar for the coming week and the proposed menu plan (when I have one). The boys get to vote on the meals (they don't always get their way, but we do listen to what they have to say), and everyone gets input on the calendar. We're not a democracy in any way - we tell the boys that our home is a Benevolent Dictatorship :-) - but they do get to have a say. Having a vote reinforces the idea that they matter.


• We serve together. Whatever service project/ministry we are involved in, we all do it together. We tell the kids that without their help, we wouldn't be successful in the endeavor. This idea gives them such a sense of importance - in a good way. They get to serve others as a member of a team. They see the positive results of service and feel the camaraderie of teamwork. They are learning that they are a critical member of a team.


• We remind them of God's love for them and His plan for their lives. We tell them often that He made them just the way they are on purpose. They need to be the person He created them to be in order to do the tasks He has planned for them to do. 

We're not perfect parents by any stretch. And my boys are still young (5, 9, and 10), so I know we have a long way to go and much to learn. But so far, these things are working here.

Want To Know A Secret?

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing."
  - Phyllis Diller

I hate to clean. That's no secret. I've even blogged about it. You can read "I deserve a prize" to see how I really feel about cleaning.

One of the ways I try to make up for lack of cleaning is to make sure the house always smells good. If a house smells good, you might not notice the dishes in the sink or the dust bunnies under the couch - at least that's my theory.

My trick for a clean-smelling house is Scentsy. I'm not telling you about Scentsy because they are paying me. The Scentsy company doesn't even know I'm writing this post. I'm telling you about Scentsy because I always imagine that you are sitting at my patio table, and we are talking about whatever comes to mind. Today, Scentsy came to mind. Scentsy is on my mind because I just got a box from my Scentsy consultant. I knew I could tell you all about it, but I figured I'd show you in pictures instead. Too bad these aren't scratch and sniff!

 I got a box in the mail from Scentsy!! It was like Christmas. I couldn't wait to open it!

Eeekk! I can't wait to see what's under the paper!

The first thing I find is a new plug for my boys' bathroom. I had accidentally broken our first one. Having a pleasant scent in their bathroom is critical!!

This is the burner in the boys' bathroom

The next thing I discovered was three next scent bricks. So exciting! Two were brand new scents and one was my all-time favorite scent.

 Coconut Lemongrass - a new scent that I'm crazy about. I'm using it in the kids' bathroom now.

Yuzu Dragon - a new scent with a weird name and a great smell. It's in my bedroom right now.

 Perfectly Pomegranate - my all time favorite scent from Scentsy. I love using it in my living room.

The Scentsy burner in my living room

If you don't have Scentsy in your house, you are cleaning too much :-) Interested in getting your own Scentsy and cutting back on cleaning? You can contact my Scentsy consultant. Tell her I sent you. She isn't compensating me in any way. I just think she's the best Scentsy consultant there is. Her info is at the bottom of this post.

Ok. So now you can have a clean-smelling house and more time to Come Over For Coffee with me :-)

My Scentsy Consultant - 
Sarah Hagen, Independent Director for Scentsy Wickless Candles
www.sarahhagen.scentsy.us.
randshagen@att.net

Manners, Anyone?

Good manners reflect something from inside-an innate sense of consideration for others and respect for self.
 - Emily Post

Yesterday was another Open Yard. We had such a good time, and the weather was perfect. Lots of mommies and kiddos spent the day enjoying the weather and each others company. As we were talking, one mom brought up the task of teaching her children table manners. We all agreed that it is a very tough job to teach our children how to behave  like humans instead of little monsters at the table. I shared the method we use at our house, and it got some really posititve feedback. So I thought I'd share it here with you. Maybe it will help someone else teach manners at their house.

Manners Money

At our table, we play a game called Manners Money. At the beginning of the meal, everyone at the table gets the same amount of money (usually in coins). The money sits right above the plate in easy reach of the others at the table.

Before the game begins, we discuss the specific infractions we are watching for - elbows on the table, talking with your mouth full, eating with your fingers, etc - and then start the meal (and the game). As the meal progresses, if anyone at the table sees someone using poor manners, they can call them on it.

Sidenote - We really had to tweak this point since S2 would yell it out and point at the guilty party like they had just murdered someone. We had to teach a gentle type of accusation that used an indoor voice and no witch-hunt style pointing.

If you can catch a person breaking a manners rule, you get to take their money. The first coin you lose is the one with the lowest value. From there, you lose up until all your money is gone. The person who catches you being unmannerly gets to keep your money, until they commit a faux paus of their own. At the end of the meal, you get to keep all the money at your place.

One of my guys' favoritte part of this game is that DH and I play too. If they can catch us breaking a manners rule, they get our money. And we always have bigger value coins at our place to make catching us a special feat.

What about you? How do you teach manners to your kids? What's the hardest etiquette rule to teach?