Can I Consider All of This Joy?

Marsh Creek State Park

I’ve been avoiding God. For three weeks or so, I’ve just been phoning it in where our relationship is concerned - doing the bare minimum. Why? Excellent question. I’m not entirely sure. I’m sitting beside a lake today (in my car because the wind is fierce, and hello, my hair) trying to figure it out.

When I left the house today, I asked God where He wanted me to go, and a picture of this lake popped into my head. I’ve come here before to get some peace and sort through things. I just stare at the water, try to calm my mind, and ask God what He needs to say to me. I don’t hear any audible voices or anything, but the absence of my usual daily distractions does allow me to pray, recall Scripture, and feel a renewed peace.

Anyway, today, as I sat there and asked God why I had been avoiding Him and what it was we needed to work out, a Bible verse very clearly came to mind: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds” (James 1:2). I immediately bristled and got prickly with God.

“No. I’m not ready to count it all joy.” - referring here to my many-years-long battle with brain injury and now struggles with walking and back pain.

But the verse was now on repeat in my head. Is this verse, this concept, why I’ve been avoiding Him? Did I know that this verse represented His new goal for me? That bar is too high. I can’t hit it. Shoot - I don’t even want to hit it.

Oh.

There’s the problem. I have no interest in calling this trial a "joy". I have no intention of obeying this Bible verse.

Talk about an eye-opener! Serious heart check moment.

Let me insert some clarification here. These posts have become a way for me to process my thoughts, pray, sort through Scripture, and figure out what God is saying to me. It’s my hope that by sharing the things God is teaching me - in very raw and honest words - someone else can be encouraged to seek answers and chase after what God is saying to her heart. As I journal my questions, doubts, and frustrations, my desire is that someone else will feel free to truly open her heart to God and trust Him to be gentle with all the broken parts. I firmly believe that Jesus wants us to come to Him just as we are - with questions, fears, doubts, frustrations, etc. So I’m putting all of mine out here and being open about the process of letting God work.

In the book of Mark (chapter 9), we read an account of a man who brings his son to Jesus for healing. The man says to Jesus, “If you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Jesus says, “All things are possible for one who believes”. The man cries out, “I believe; help my unbelief!”

That’s how I feel! I want to obey; help my disobedience!

It is my heart’s desire to obey and honor God. I want to! But to call this journey with brain injury “joy” is killing me. My spirit is in absolute opposition to it. My heels are dug in! But we don’t get to pick and choose scripture. That’s not how this works.

At this point, I spent a long time looking into James 1. Maybe somewhere I could find a wise Bible scholar who could show me what the Bible meant or how to obey this particular verse. Maybe more knowledge was what I needed. I looked up commentaries. I looked into word definitions. I learned that historians think that the author was Jesus’ brother. None of it told me how to count it all joy. So I stared at the lake and kept praying.

“Lord, I want to obey you. Please show me how.”

An author and speaker came to mind: Joni Eareckson Tada. Her story is one of honoring God in spite of becoming a quadriplegic. She is now dealing with chronic pain on top of her paralysis. I decided to google her. I could go on and on about the things I found, (if you ever want to be inspired by someone who has figured out how to live a life of joy in the midst of trials, y'all should look her up!) but here is the big gem: instead of the “how” to count my circumstances as joy, what if I looked for a “why”? So I looked for reasons for joy and found some!

Because of my situation, people are watching - my kids, folks in real life, and people on social media. Because people are watching, they will see how I respond. Because God gives me strength, I am mostly able to respond with positivity and laughter instead of sadness and despair. That gap between my natural response to this mess and the positive way I am able to react because of His strength can point those who are watching to Him! I can be a feature film about God’s kindness, and others can see Him as I navigate through this trial. That idea DOES bring me joy. That puts a huge smile in my heart.

So let’s wrap this up:

• Brain damage - not a joy
• Trouble walking - no joy there
• Daily struggles just to accomplish basic tasks - nope. No joy
• The opportunity to rely on God’s strength, to ask Him to guide my heart and mind as I respond to these trials and show His light to the world through positivity and laughter - YES! A major reason for joy!

So, starting today, I’m going to count my opportunity to show off His strength as a joy. Well, I’m gonna try. I'm bound to mess it up. But God has proven Himself to be infinitely patient as I try again. And again :-)

And I'm ordering Joni Eareckson Tada’s book “A Place Of Healing” this very minute!

Praying For Folks Who Are On My Last Nerve

Lately, I keep feeling compelled to pray for people I'm having issues with.

Praying for people I'm doing great with is so easy! I like people, and I enjoy praying for God to intervene in their lives.

But when I'm not doing well with folks - when we've had a falling out or when I'm annoyed with people - well, to be honest here, I would rather complain and distance myself from those who are stressing me out. Granted, this plan doesn't accomplish anything good or helpful; i's just been my pattern. Just being real here.

But recently, when I'm about to launch into a tirade, I feel this little nudge in my spirit to shut off the complaints and start praying. I've learned enough about obedience to know that I should listen. So I start praying. Today God nudged me to pray for someone I’m mad at. So I asked God what I should pray for? “I guess fire and brimstone are off the table?” I didn’t hear any laughter.

There is nothing holy in these stingy but obedient prayers of mine.  There is a lot of "Lord, you know that girl is making me crazy, and I need to you fix her! She has lost her ever loving mind! Please do something about that! Amen." About 60 seconds into a prayer like that I start to feel convicted of my judgmental attitude - God is sneaky like that, convicting me in the middle of praying for someone else.

So my prayer shifts a little bit: "Lord, maybe she's acting like a crazy person because she's going through something hard. Please help her with the hard thing and then please cure her crazy. Amen." About then, when I'm feeling pretty proud of myself for being so "others-focused" I feel a spiritual tap on the shoulder that isn't a recognition of a job well done. I know He wants me from me. Ugh. Fine.

Now, with a heavy sigh and slumped shoulders in recognition of where God wanted me to end up, I sound more like this: "Lord, please be with my friend. If she has a need, please meet it. If she has a hurt, please heal it. And Lord, if you want to use me to bless her, please soften my heart and show me what you need me to do. And Lord, please forgive my pride and judgmental attitude. I'm a hot mess. I know it, and you know it. I just lose sight of it from time to time when I get caught up pointing out other people's issues. Please forgive me and keep working on me. Thanks, God. Amen."

I wish I could say that it only takes one cycle through this lesson for me to fully learn it. I'm guessing God would prefer it that way too. But I'm a tough nut to crack. God has had to walk me through this lesson multiple times in the last few weeks. I think the process might be going quicker, which is a sign that I am starting to get the hang of it, but I have certainly not "arrived". I'm so thankful that God doesn't give up on us!!

It's a good and loving God who is patient with our weaknesses and gentle with our correction. He accepts us where we are and loves us too much to let us stay there.

Who's The Boss?

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."
 - Ephesians 6:1

I've blogged recently about making sure my kids know who they are. I even listed a few of the practical ways DH and I are teaching this concept to our guys.

But there is a flip side to this discussion that I feel like looking at today. Almost as important as my boys knowing who they are, is knowing who they are NOT. A full picture is important unless I want some really confused little humans.

Again, please let me stress that I am not a perfect mother. I'm learning as I go (mainly from my mistakes). I'm so thankful for forgiveness - from my children, my husband, and from God - and second chances. So please don't see these posts as a "how to" but more as a "learn from me and save yourself some heartache".

The first "who they are NOT" is - The Boss

My children need to know that they are not in charge! DH and I need to know that they are not in charge too :-)

Why make such a big deal out of this? Who cares if my little one runs the house, makes the decisions, or doesn't obey?

I firmly believe that if we don’t teach our children obedience and respect for authority, we are hurting them.

When I think about all the people and institutions I have had to obey, the list is long! Employers, teachers, the law and government . . . I could keep going. Obedience is a part of life whether we like it or not. And for our kiddos, who are in the thick of being told what to do everywhere they go, it's a crucial skill to have.

We've all seen it - the child in the grocery store who refuses to sit in the buggy shopping cart. He kicks and screams until his mother lets him down. Then he demands a pack of cookies and yells and screams until she gives in. I don't know about you, but I've been there. We do what we have to do to survive some days. But what if that giving in becomes a habit? Who does that child become?

He's the child in school who can't obey his teacher. He can't do what he's told on the bus or in gym class. He becomes the teenager who ignores curfew and speed limits. He becomes the adult who gets fired from his job for failing to follow company policy. And his parents? They are miserable the whole time as they get walked on, ignored, and pushed around.

Yes, that's a drastic view of the situation, but you get my point. Obedience is more than just a nice concept. It's actually a major skill we need to teach to our children for their own good in the world!

But how do we do that?

As anyone with a two year old has discovered, obedience does not come naturally! As parents, we must demand it consistently.

That's really easy to type and very hard to live out. I know.

But when we tell our children what to do, we have to follow through to make sure they do it. I know how hard that is at the end of a long day when we just want to sit with a good cup of coffee and rest. I know how tough it is to correct one more kid one more time when it's what we've done ALL day. But consistency is the key. If we stay with it, they will learn the lesson. And everyone (parents, children, and society) benefits from a child who learns obedience.

Other than consistency, what else do I have to offer? In our house, we tell our kids that learning obedience is their number one job. Nothing else they need to learn is more important. When we stress it to them, they aren't quite as shocked when we reinforce the skill over and over all day all week.

I have to be honest here. My boys have questioned this obedience thing. I've told them the same things I've told you about life skills, blah, blah, blah (I'm sure that's what they hear). And it all falls flat. Then I pull out my Bible. First I show them Romans 13:1

"Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, 

for there is not authority except that which God has established. 

The authorities that exist have been established by God."

I explain that this verse tells me to obey those in charge of me (employers, law, government, etc). Then I show them  Ephesians 6:1 

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

This is God's note to kids. When it's in black and white and coming straight from God's Word, it's pretty tough to argue.  We all have to learn how to obey.

 

Whew! That's a long post! So to sum up, our kids are not the boss. They need to know they aren't the boss. It's our job to teach them. And everyone involved benefits from a child who has learned the skill of obedience, especially the child. 

What do you think? How do you teach obedience to your kids? Do you think I'm making a big deal out of nothing? I love to hear from you!

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