Back to Writing? I Really, Really, Hope So!!

Ocean City, NJ, is my little slice
of beach heaven

We took a week's vacation down the shore this summer (that's Pennsylvania talk for being at the beach). While we were there, I did a lot of writing - journaling, writing down prayers, just jotting down random thoughts. About 4 days in - I'm really slow to catch on to things - I realized that I had been doing a ton of writing, and that I was really enjoying it! I used to write all the time! I mean, you are here - on my blog - where I used to write every week. My brain injury, among other things, got in the way of that writing for a long time. I missed it! I tried vlogging for a while, but let’s be honest - I wasn't very good at it.

There were two major problems with the vlogging situation:

1. Consistency was an issue - making videos is just more difficult, technically speaking, than writing a few paragraphs. The house has to be empty- otherwise, you can hear my kids yelling at video games in the background. I can't be in my pjs - that look totally undercuts any message I'm trying to send :-) Uploading requires real internet connections and not just my phone in the Target parking lot. See! Issues. So I had a really hard time being a consistent vlogger. I just couldn't put out videos on a regular basis.
2. Content was also an issue - I was trying too hard to avoid the elephant in the room. I didn't want to be "that girl". You know - that girl who writes/vlogs/whatever about her chronic condition. I so badly want to be more than my brain injury that I was avoiding talking about it. But it is a very real part of my life, so avoiding it was stupid and led to vlogging that was less than authentic. 

So let's try a fresh start -

My ER pic from 2015
Smiling cuz I have no idea
how much our lives were
about to change

My name is Dawn, and I have a traumatic brain injury with chronic migraines. It affects every aspect of my life and the lives of my family. I was injured in March, 2015, and the last 3.5 years have been full of life, lessons, laughter, limitations (whoa! check out that alliteration!), challenges, blessings, and the full gamut of emotions as I have learned how to cope with a new - and ever-changing “normal”.

In case you haven’t made it to my “about me” page (or in case it’s not up to date, which is possible), I’m happily married to Drew - we just celebrated our 20th anniversary in December. We have three sons - two in high school and one in middle school. Our home is loud, usually happy, smells like sweaty boy, chaotic with sports, band and work schedules, and someone is always eating. I love it! But my injury has changed our family. We all had to learn how to adapt to a new “normal”. This isn’t just MY chronic condition. It’s OUR chronic condition.

Oh how I wish my injury story was glamorous! Or noble! Or heroic! But it’s not. It’s so lame. I slipped on wet tile and fell down on my face. I went straight down like a tree. I landed on my chin and rattled my brain. I’m told I made an epic sound when I went splat. I don’t remember that part, but it’s nice to know I made an impression. Brains don’t like to be rattled. A concussion that was supposed to heal in under 6 weeks led to outpatient physical therapy after 6 months and then to daily migraines and confusion after a year. Now, 3.5 years in, I never know which version of me is going to wake up: the semi-capable adult who can make it through a day with some head pain but who can fake “normal” and parent well, the pain-riddled migraine sufferer who is in agony and has to stay in bed and can’t cope, or the dazed and confused fruitcake who looks competent on the outside but gets lost on the way to the grocery store. Once we know how a day is going to go, the whole family can adjust and adapt as needed. We’ve gotten pretty good at it. It’s just tricky not knowing.

But I’m so much more than my brain injury! I’m a woman with hopes and dreams and a huge love of life! I think that’s why I held off writing about it for so long. I don’t want my injury to define me. I don’t want to be “the girl with brain damage”. I’m fun! I love to laugh and make other people laugh. I enjoy baking and travel and talking to people! I love a party! I just have to work the things I enjoy into the limitations of my life. This is my reality.

So where does writing fit in to this? What am I rambling on about? I’m telling you, my very patient friends, that I’m going to come back to blogging. Well, I’m going to try. I always have something to say :-) It may be about parenting, marriage, what God is teaching me from His word, or even (heavy sigh) my brain injury and what it’s like to deal with a chronic condition. I can’t promise consistency. But that is my goal. I can’t promise anything wise or deep. There are many other bloggers doing wise and deep out there. But I can promise authenticity. And laughter. Life is too short to take anything too seriously. Even a brain injury.

((In between blog posts, I'm all about InstaStories! You can find me posting stories on Instagram almost daily as @comeoverforcoffee))

Big Decision For Me

Hello my wonderful readers,

I don't know if you realized that Friday's post didn't go out, but it really frustrated me not to be able to write and connect with you. I look forward to sharing my thoughts and then getting yours in response. I really enjoy the give and take that exists in our blogging community.

But there is so much going on in my life right now, that I'm really struggling to find the time to sit down and write my posts.  


Here's what's going on right now -

• My babies (don't tell them I call them that) go back to school in three weeks. Getting them ready to go back and spending the last days of summer well are taking up a huge amount of time and energy.


• Our house is being remodeled. We started a major addition - a long story which I promise to tell you some day - in the middle of July. The constant decision making and lack of sleep (the framers start before 7am every day) is taking its toll on my brain and energy.


• Then there is the rest of life - cooking, cleaning, etc. As much as I would love to set those chores aside to spend time with you, a girl has to have clean clothes and food to eat.

So what does that mean for Come Over For Coffee? Nothing major. I still want to spend time talking to you over coffee. I still want to have girl time and good conversation with you at my kitchen table. But I can't have any coffee dates right now. I need to clear my calendar for a few weeks.

Let me get the kids settled into school. They are all three in full day school this year for the first time!! Then I'll have time for our chats over coffee. Having you over will be a top priority after school starts.

Thank you so much for your understanding. I really appreciate your friendship and the richness you bring to my life!

Let's make a date for Monday, September 10. I'll be back at the table with my coffee in hand. Will you join me?

In the mean time, contact me through Facebook, Twitter, or email. Let me know what topics we should talk about when we get together again. Let me know what's new with you. I'll be online some over the next few weeks.

Until our next cup of coffee . . .

Blogging and Summer Don't Mix

"The right thing, at the wrong time, is the wrong thing."
 - My Dad

I love blogging. I really do enjoy it! I pretend I'm at my patio table with a cup of coffee and you - my new friends. I pretend that we are chatting about whatever comes to mind and enjoying time together.

But blogging takes time. Getting my thoughts in a straight line in a way that makes sense isn't always easy. So it takes me a little bit to sit down with the topic and try to put my thoughts together well.

Lately, I'm short on time. It's summer, so all my boys are home. Because of how we do summer here (my thoughts on summer with kids), I am constantly surrounded by my men - not a bad way to live :-) But this pattern severely limits my time to sit and type up witty blogs.

I want to blog. Blogging takes time.

I want to be a very involved mom. That takes lots of time.

I only have so much time.

My kids are more of a priority than blogging.

So blogging is suffering. Ugh.

Don't worry. My brain is full of fun blogging ideas (I get my best ideas in the shower). I'm not going to quit blogging. I fully intend grow this blog into bloggy awesomeness. But the awesomeness may not come until September. Stay tuned!

Giving Thanks

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.
 - Psalm 107:1
 
It's Saturday night. Do you know what your blessings are?

Here's my list of blessings this week:

Lots of fun in the pool

• We celebrated Father's Day together. It was a good day spent honoring DH and his dad. Both men seemed touched and grateful for all we did.  And we enjoyed making them feel special.
• We got to spend lots of time with good friends. The kids swam, had serious Nerf battles, and just played with friends they don't get to see often enough. The moms got to talk and catch up. I'm always refreshed by time with friends.
• I went to a baby shower this week. What fun to talk with girlfriends and celebrate the little one who will be here soon!
• We had a great day hanging with my sister-in-laws and their children. The cousins played so nicely together! It's fun to watch them play and see how much they have grown. And I had a nice time with their moms. I'm very blessed to have two wonderful sister-in-laws.
• We took the kids to see Madagascar 3. They had a good time, and we love to see their enjoyment of a good movie.
• We unexpectedly ran into friend at the movies and had a impromptu dinner together. So thankful that God arranged for us to get time together.

It was a great week! Lots of good, clean, summer fun.

I'm so thankful for summer and a chance to spend so much time with the family. Things aren't always perfect - far from it - but we do have fun together.

Have a great week!

Today They Came Over

The ornaments of your house will be the guests who frequent it.
 - Author Unknown

Today was Open Yard at our house. It's one of our favorite summer traditions. 

About two weeks ago, I typed up the following invitation:

Hello Lovely Ladies!!

My children and I would like to invite you to an Open Yard at our house. We want to start summer off with a big party, and we'd love to have your come. Our backyard will be open for play on Wednesday, June 13,  from 10am-3pm. Please come at whatever time works best for you. If you will be here at lunch time, pack a lunch for you and yours. Otherwise, we'll have some goodies here as well as something cold to drink. If it's hot outside, we might pull out the squirt guns, so come prepared. We just want to celebrate summer with you and your kiddos. 

Some of you will know each other, and some of you won't. Please see this as a chance to make new friends, hang out with old friends, and relax together. 

Hoping to see you soon!!

I sent it out to a few mommy friends. Then I sent it out to a few more. And then to a few more. By the time I stopped sending invitations, I had lost track of how many people I had invited. I decided that it didn't matter. Those who should be here, would show up.


Today was the big day. I had no idea who to expect or when to expect them. 


The boys and I tidied the house and put a tablecloth on the patio table. I dumped a bunch of snacks in bowls, made a pitcher of lemonade and one of water. I brewed a pot of coffee. Then we waited. 


At about 10:30, our first guests showed up. It was great to see Mommies and Kiddos. Then the next guest showed up. And then the next. The guests kept coming and stayed until 4:30 this afternoon. 


Overall, our yard saw 11 mommies, 23 kiddos, and 4 babies!!!!!!! 

It was such an awesome experience! I got to sit around my patio table with friends today and just spend time with them! I'm trying to paint a word picture that will accurately describe today's event, and I'm falling short. 

11 women - some of whom had never met - from all different stages of life. Some with new babies, others with middle school children. Some all about healthy eating, others just fine with junk food. Some working moms, some stay-at-home. Some raised in the South, others lifelong Yankees. 

What did we have in common today? Just that we are women and moms. And that was enough. 

We made new friends, strengthened existing friendships, and learned from each other. It was great!

The children played pretty happily in the yard. They would come to the patio for snacks or some lemonade and then go back to the swing set or the trampoline. They had a great time playing and making new friends.  

So what's my point? Why do I want you to know about today? 

1. Because is was so cool! It's totally what I want my house, my yard, and my summer to be about! 
2. Because it was easy. I put out some munchy snacks from Sams Club and some lemonade. That's it. Very easy to do.
3. Because I'm richer tonight for the girly interactions I had this morning.
4. Because I want you to consider doing it too! It doesn't have to be at your house. Invite Mommies to meet you at a local park.

Investing in yourself and your children by opening your home/schedule to other Mommies and Kids pays rich dividends! 

To those ladies who came over today, THANK YOU!  

Summer and Kids - My Plan (or lack thereof) for Summer

“Play is the only way the highest intelligence of humankind can unfold.”  
 - Joseph Chilton Pearce

Have you seen the parenting blogs lately? Have you been on Pinterest? The current theme in blogging and pinning seems to have to do with our kids and what to do with them this summer.

Do we send them to camps? Plan an activity for every day? Maybe work on academic subjects so our precious children don't forget all they learned in school this year?

I have a totally different take on summers with my kids. We use summers to PLAY.

Think about how our kids normally spend their day -

They have to get up at a certain time every day to go to school.

So in the summer, I let mine sleep as late as they want almost every day.

They spend every school day totally structured. Subjects, lunch, recess, etc. Doing things at a certain time, whether they want to or not.

In the summer, I like to offer my guys flexibility. Lunch time is when we are hungry - not at a rigid time every day. Play time is when we feel like playing.

Children spend five days a week having information crammed into their brain with little freedom use that information in a creative outlet. I love to hand them a pack of sidewalk chalk or a piece of paper and a box of crayons to see what they come up with.

So what does my summer look like? An open book.

Don't get me wrong. I do have a few ideas in my back pocket for rainy days or for when we need a change of pace. We made a list of things that might be fun to do. I'll pull that list out when I need something new for us. But I won't put those ideas on a schedule.

Will I damage my children by not filling the summer with educational opportunities? I don't think so. I value play and the learning that comes with it. It may not be academic, classroom learning, but it is learning in its purest form.

When we look back on our summers as a family, will we regret the things we didn't accomplish? Will we be sad about the academics we didn't strengthen? Or will we look back fondly at the fun we had as a family and the freedom to play as children?

I know that my way of looking at summer isn't the only way to look at things. Different methods work better for different families. I'm not knocking other folks' way of doing things. I just wanted to present a different view on how to handle a summer with kids.

What do you think? How planned or unplanned is your summer?