My Thoughts On Marriage

"In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare.  Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced."
 - Robert Sexton

Marriage is hard.

Anyone married for more than a week knows that marriage is hard.

But lately, I feel like all I see on Pinterest, in blogs, and on Fakebook Facebook, are feel good posts about marriage.

• My man is amazing!
• 25 Date Night Ideas To Keep the Romance Alive
• 10 Ways to Show Your Husband You Love Him
• I'm married to my best friend!

Don't get me wrong. I love my husband - dearly. And what we have is very special to me. In fact, one of the reasons I've never written about marriage is because I consider ours so sacred. I would never want to say or do anything to violate our privacy or his trust.

But marriage isn't all roses and date nights. It isn't all breakfast in bed and good night kisses.

Marriage is work!

I sat down to write a post about what it's like to work with my husband at our Upward Basketball and Cheerleading league. If you missed it, this post about Upward will fill you in on just how much I love Upward and working with DH.

But I couldn't write about working with my man until I shared a basic issue I have with those who are writing about marriage.

Yes, it's good to have date nights. Yes, it's important to show your guy that you love him. Yes, it's good for our friends to know we love our husbands. But -

If we only talk about the rosy side of marriage and never admit the hard parts we do ourselves and those around us a huge disservice. <-Tweetable->

Let's be real. When you take two adults with their own thoughts, feelings, ambitions, baggage and traditions and form them into a team, even the most loving, well-intentioned pair is going to have a tough time of it. Making decisions can be hard when you come at it from different sides of the issue. Sharing control isn't easy when you are fully capable of doing it alone. Putting someone else first can be a real pain when all you want to do is curl up and take a nap.


I truly love my husband. And I love being married to him. We will celebrate our 15 year anniversary next month. I firmly believe that marriage is a good thing. When it's done right, it's a beautiful thing to watch a couple navigate life's journey together. But anyone who pretends that it's easy or painless or can be boiled down to 10 Easy Steps is selling something.

Big Decision For Me

Hello my wonderful readers,

I don't know if you realized that Friday's post didn't go out, but it really frustrated me not to be able to write and connect with you. I look forward to sharing my thoughts and then getting yours in response. I really enjoy the give and take that exists in our blogging community.

But there is so much going on in my life right now, that I'm really struggling to find the time to sit down and write my posts.  


Here's what's going on right now -

• My babies (don't tell them I call them that) go back to school in three weeks. Getting them ready to go back and spending the last days of summer well are taking up a huge amount of time and energy.


• Our house is being remodeled. We started a major addition - a long story which I promise to tell you some day - in the middle of July. The constant decision making and lack of sleep (the framers start before 7am every day) is taking its toll on my brain and energy.


• Then there is the rest of life - cooking, cleaning, etc. As much as I would love to set those chores aside to spend time with you, a girl has to have clean clothes and food to eat.

So what does that mean for Come Over For Coffee? Nothing major. I still want to spend time talking to you over coffee. I still want to have girl time and good conversation with you at my kitchen table. But I can't have any coffee dates right now. I need to clear my calendar for a few weeks.

Let me get the kids settled into school. They are all three in full day school this year for the first time!! Then I'll have time for our chats over coffee. Having you over will be a top priority after school starts.

Thank you so much for your understanding. I really appreciate your friendship and the richness you bring to my life!

Let's make a date for Monday, September 10. I'll be back at the table with my coffee in hand. Will you join me?

In the mean time, contact me through Facebook, Twitter, or email. Let me know what topics we should talk about when we get together again. Let me know what's new with you. I'll be online some over the next few weeks.

Until our next cup of coffee . . .

Warning - Not My Usual Post!

"A fine bunch of water lilies you turned out to be. I'd like to see anybody make me wash, if I didn't wanna."
 - Grumpy

Today is Wednesday. Usually on Wednesday, I post about something light and fluffy - something that makes me smile in an attempt to make you smile too.

Today, I don't wanna (insert childish whine here, complete with pout).

I'm just grumpy. No reason - life is really good here!

And today I don't like people - I could tell you all about it, but that would go against my post about guarding my tongue :-) I'm just generally annoyed with folks today - news folks, Facebook folks, most folks.

Not you, of course!!! I'm not annoyed with you at all! It's everyone else that's on my nerves.

So I don't want to blog about something light and fluffy (to my brother-in-law who was looking forward to today's post, check back next week). I'm too grumpy.

Maybe I need more girl time. I did see a friend last week, and we had a great time, but maybe I'm in a foul mood because I need more friend time. I'm going to go back and read my post about Girs' Night Out and see if it helps my mood.

Maybe I'm just having a pity party. Want to come? You are invited, but presents are required :-)

This too shall pass, but in the mean time, I'm going to go fix a second cup of coffee and curl up with a book.

Come Chat With Me on Facebook!

Come chat with me!

Come chat with me this morning! I will be hosting Gevalia's Bean Chat at their Facebook Fan Page. "Like" their page and have cyber coffee with me. It will be just like we are at my kitchen table, but we can still be in our pjs at our own houses. I'll be there from 10a-11a (EST). Drop by if you have a chance.

A Question (or 38) For You

We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself.
 - Lloyd Alexander


Can I ask you a question? Or thirty-eight?

Do you ever wonder about a subject, unable to find any clear answers?

Can I share a topic I've been pondering lately? All in the form of questions since I don't have any answers?

Where is the line between maintaining a sense of privacy and letting others into your life enough to be able to connect?

How much online sharing (Facebook, Twitter, Blogging) is too much?

Is there a danger in sharing too much? Do the details of my life really need to be out there for all to see? If I share those details with the world, does that make the events less special for me? For those involved in the event in real life? Am I cheapening my life by sharing everything with everyone?

Is it possible to put my children at risk by oversharing about them? When they finally venture into the cyber world, will they be happy that their faces are already all over the internet? Will they appreciate pictures of them in a diaper or some other situation that might be an embarrassment when they try to create their own cyber presence? Will the pictures/tweets/status updates that are cute now be cute to them someday? Do I realize that what I post cannot be unposted? What about the "friends" that see these pics, etc? Am I really sure that they are the same person I knew way back when? Can I be certain that there is not a predator on my list of "friends" or "followers"? Is any of this really worth putting that picture of my cutie out there for all to see? What is gained by posting? What is lost by not posting? What is preserved by keeping it private?

What about my family as a whole? If I want what happens in our home to be special, do I cheapen it by sharing it with the whole world? How much is too much? At what point are there more than just us in the house because I've invited my whole world of cyber "friends" to come for dinner?

But without sharing, can there be real connections? Don't all great speakers/writers expose a slice of themselves to connect with their audience? Can I connect with my audience without sharing? If so, how? If not - if sharing is required - how much is necessary? If I want to be real and genuine and also maintain a boundary of public/private, where is the line?

Have you ever given any of this any thought? Or do you just post whatever comes to mind with no thought to the consequences?

Can you tell that I have been giving this a lot of thought? If you have thought about it, would you please share with me?